People In Guernsey Totally Prepared To Drive Into Town To Buy 5 Vegetables From The Market, Then Do The Rest Of Their Shopping Elsewhere, Report Finds

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Tens of people in Guernsey have promised to change their weekly shop for good if the local food market was to return to St. Peter Port’s Market Buildings, according to a new report from Crapaud Research Ltd.

Those interviewed said they would be more than happy to find time to drive into town before the work day ended, find a parking spot on the Albert Pier, walk up to the market to pay for their vegetables in cash, before driving home via Waitrose to buy the rest of their groceries.

Despite the fact the markets closed in the late 90s/early 00s owing to disrepair and dwindling visitor numbers, respondents to the survey insisted that putting a food market back into the centre of Town would revitalise the area, regardless of whether anybody would actually use it.

Although local supermarkets like Waitrose and the Co-Op have been stocking locally produced groceries from day one, and despite the Market Buildings new owners' continued efforts to host shows, events, and the popular Fresh Friday market, other islanders, especially those with more time on their hands, are adamant the best way forward is by looking to Guernsey’s past.

Mallorie Altman, a pensioner speaking from beneath her rose-tinted-glasses, reminisced:

“The market was a special place for me. My mother used to give me a few pennies to buy apples from the market before my friends and I would go and roll hoops down St. Julian’s Avenue. Young people these days have no idea how inconvenient shopping used to be, and it’s a crying shame.”

When asked if she was in favour of the market returning, she agreed, saying:

“I absolutely support bringing it back despite not knowing anybody who would do their regular shop there nor any local producers who could justify the time and value of attending. It’d be nice for the cruise ship passengers to walk around.”

PG Grayson, a retired yachtsman we found on Vazon Beach with his head in the sand, added:

“The old market, with its dingy toilets, dangling cow carcasses and the perpetual, unmistakable wafts from the local fishmonger, was really the heart and soul of Town. It’s a great shame it’s gone and I’ve since been forced to buy everything I’ve ever needed from one supermarket that’s closer to my house.”

There is currently no news about whether the market will reopen, but islanders are still expected to continue blaming other people for our shopping habits collectively changing until this argument picks up again in a few months' time.